February 2012
1 post
4 tags
January 2012
8 posts
I wish I could have quit you years ago.
Closeness and Separateness
Last night I woke up from a symphony of nightmares. There came a ringing in my ears, and I could just barely see your silhouette in the blackness. I was scared, knowing that you were there, and also not there. Insecure as hell, breathing all a mess, I asked you to hold me. And in your familiar not-too-comforting-but-aiming-to-please way, you came ‘round behind me and wrapped your arms...
1 tag
4 tags
Resolution
I am making a resolution to be more vulnerable this year. To be painfully honest. I am resolving to open up to experiences of beauty, pain, suffering, and goodness so that I can look back on this year as a year that I embraced life as it is, not life as I wanted it to be. I resolve to love in the face of great adversity. To seek justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with the Lord. This is my part....
December 2011
15 posts
Numb
I remember the feeling each time you try to reach for the bottle. Instead you reach through my chest, breaking my ribs like glass, tearing through my skin like a giddy, eight year old boy ripping through a piñata with an aluminum Louisville Slugger. I can feel it as the scars burst open leaving me open and exposed, unveiling my palpitating heart.
There are your fingers, searching...
Growth is full of beauty and pain, beauty because of pain, beauty in the midst of pain, and pain after losing beauty, but the good life is full of all kinds of mystery and paradox.
“As soon as a man and woman of almost any age are alone together within four...”
– Alice Munro
“There is no cure for madness
when the cure itself is mad.”
– Euripides’ “The Bacchae”
“When the storm is over and night falls and the moon is out in all its glory and...”
– Harold Pinter’s “Party Time”
“Nothing is more sterile or lamentable than the man content to live within...”
– Harold Pinter’s “Tea Party”
“I promised you [new Christians], who have now been baptized, a sermon in which I...”
– St. Augustine
“The Son of God was crucified: there is no shame, because it is shameful.
And...”
– Tertullian’s “De Carne Christi”
I'm A Leper In Sheep's Clothing
I have become chronically afraid of being abandoned. It is this tight chested, overwhelming anxiety at times, and at other times it is hardly noticeable, except in the way that I cling a little too tightly, or try a little too hard. Perhaps I love a little too much, at which point it ceases to be love and turns into something more diabolical. Something grossly and monstrously selfish. A kind of...
November 2011
8 posts
Deep
And then I gave a damn. Watching as the shattered glass re-appropriated itself into other people’s lives in a perfect, stainless script. Eyes wide, I sat confused living vicariously through their triumphs and breakdowns, because the black of my own is too deep. The poison in my own heart is to potent to wade through. I fear death; the kind that walks amongst the living, with hands...
Empty Promises
The click of your heels on the concrete, Ailes both lined with their arms linked. It’s the dawn of a new day, A new year, a long walk of shame. The shift in your eyes as you’re blinking, By the way that you act, you’re not thinking. It’s the dawn of a new day, A new year, a long walk of shame. We’ve grown tired Of all your empty promises. You’re a liar...
North Star
You’re my North Star, The home inside my heart. My North Star, And I hate when we’re apart. I know you know I love you, I can see the way your light shines through, You’re my north star, You’re beautiful the way that you are.
My Heart Swells
It was somewhere in between the way you held my hand on that first ride home from the airport, and this moment when my heart swells as I think about you.
October 2011
5 posts
“If you ask God to speak He will. If you lay down your self and give him your...”
– Christian Tenbrook (via sonofastoryteller)
pick me pick me pick me (Radical Face-Welcome... →
A Rescuers Purgatory
You took yourself out to this island, and surrounded yourself with the sea. I called out to you over the wind and the waves, and you told me to come to you, so I did. But as I started the climb up the cliffs on the shore, I heard your voice. Your tone was full of withdrawal and fear. “I’m not sure this island can sustain us both,” you said as you looked away from me. I...
Healing
He could die, You could leave me, But I’ll be okay. What’s been broken can be healed. I have faith in that.
August 2011
1 post
Lullaby
I’ll ask politely one last time, Sing me back to sleep. Once my eyes grow dull and cease to shine Sing me back to sleep. I’ve tossed and turned these dozen nights, So sing me back to sleep. As my eyes begin to close I hear the only lullaby I’ve ever known: “All’s not lost All’s not broken Sleep tonight With these words spoken You’re my love, ...
May 2011
4 posts
Things I Don't Want To Talk About
I keep on opening up my mouth to let you know, and I’m letting it out. Here are all the things I don’t want to talk about. Take me as I am, that’s all I have now. Nothing more, nothing less. All I know is you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. For that I thank you infinitely. For that, I’ll never let you go I’d sail to the end of the world...
Sri Lanka Trip 2011
This summer I have been given the opportunity to spend June and July working in Sri Lanka, an island nation off the southern coast of India, helping children in orphanages and possibly even ex-child soldiers who are at risk for becoming trafficking victims. It has been a whirlwind of planning and figuring out exactly what the trip is going to look like as I have been trying to do this while also...
'Till The Day I Die
A day of blue and gray, because of the words that I said yesterday in a fit of rage. Maybe I deserve to pay for it. I could reach out and grab freedom, but instead I sit here and beg for it. A slave to the emotions that master me, they move faster than a bastard sea: out of control; it’s not the way it has to be. I know my moods are dastardly, and I’m sorry. I can prove it...
April 2011
1 post
March 2011
4 posts
Come Back Home
I’m full of fear I’ve got a heart of stone I’m standing here Still all alone. It’s been one hundred days Now since you’v been gone And I wish you’d Come back home.
I'm
I’m a virtuoso getting nervous at the strings. I’m the chorus with no drums that everybody sings. I’m a bird without a beak, a church without a steeple, a rally with no people, a front door with no peep-hole. I’m every faceless nameless person on the streets, I’m a rap with no beats. I’m a child soldier killing millions, I can’t speak. I’m a...
Through and Through
Oh, oh, you are beautiful through and through. Oh, oh, you should know that I love you. I took a step down this road little did I ever know I’d fall in love. Time has passed, we’ve both grown, life’s been hard, but we’ve found hope and that’s enough. Oh, oh, you are beautiful through and through. Oh, oh, you should know that I love you. You took my...
Better Man
Everyone can write a song about how they want to become a better man, but that makes sense to me, because, I think we all yearn to become better. This is mine: I want to become a better man. I know that you deserve better than all the things I’ve done, and the person I’ve been. I just want you to know, that I’ll be a better man, because I know that I can.
February 2011
14 posts
Against All Odds
You’re all dried up, and you don’t understand why my river still flows, and breaks through the dams. It will never be okay, even once we get old, this will never get easy despite what we’re told. But against all odds, through the hardest nights, against all odds, we’re gonna live this life.
“He was beaten (he knew that), but he was not broken. He saw, once for all, that...”
– Jack London (Call Of The Wild)
